10 things you always wanted to know about Denver *but were afraid to ask

1) Denvernites hate people that wear those 5 finger shoes. It might be because those shoes are so ass-ugly, but who knows for sure.

2) Denvernites love Subarus. They use them for driving up to the Rockies and also for going to the store for antacids and American Spirits. They are extremely versatile vehicles.

3) Denver has the best weather during the summer. Hands down. No contest. Stop trying, Anywhere Else.

4) The best tacos are in SoBo. This may or may not be an actual neighborhood in Denver. It’s somewhat close to an ice cream shop. It can be reached by bicycle or Subaru. That should be enough info for you to find the place.

5) There is a large blue bear made of fiberglass or something similar in Denver. I am 110% sure there are people living inside of it, or at least that there were at one point. I am 50% sure they are currently alive inside of that bear. Possibly a sort of a Trojan horse tragedy type thing. You understand.

6) 8 out of 10 people in Denver are architects. The rest are architecture students.

7) Denver is a good place to mix social anxiety and house parties. It leads to either drinking too much alcohol, or sticking to water and going upstairs to read Ellen DeGeneres’ pre-out-of-the-closet biography at 11pm. Either way, IT’S A PARTY!

8) All of the guys in Denver look somewhat dusty all the time. It reminds me of cowboys. I like it. So will you.

9) Leaving Denver blows. Especially if you have to come home to a city where humidity exists. It’s an awful reality. I’m still having trouble with it.

10) The dog to human ratio is about 7:1. God forbid those things grow thumbs and start learning how to open doors.