How I Pay My Rent
I have a job that involves a few things:
a desk
a computer
the internet
listening to recordings of people talk about theirblahblablahblahI’mbored.
push pins
frustration
frozen dinners (I eat them, I don’t make them. Well…I heat them up. Whatever.)
making fun of things on the internet with coworkers.
quietly snickering
snickers…sometimes
spreadsheets
So ya know, pretty intense job.
Sometimes I have to have meetings and bring a notebook and a pen to the meeting and talk to people. But mostly I don’t. I’m glad I went to college cause this shit is great.
Sometimes I hear funny things when listening to recordings of people talking about themselves and the things they spend their money on i.e. a heating system for their bathroom floor so their tootsies don’t get cold in the morning. Can you imagine???? I can’t imagine cold feet. That sounds poor.
I started writing these quotes down a few years ago. Here’s a couple:
In regards to having a rat infestation:
Rats broke in to my house.
No ma’am. They did not. They are not human robbers. They chewed through your exposed duct work. They didn’t throw a rock through the front window while you were sleeping. They are bastards though. Fuck rats.
They left a bad taste in my wife’s mouth.
Come on dude. You’re setting yourself up for a bukkake joke.
My house is very, very large. If you forget something on one side of the house and go to the other, just forget about it. It’s too far away. Get it next time.
Why do you feel comfortable as a person saying these things out loud? You are awful.
The landscaping job set us back about $40,000
*gunshot*………… *i’m dead*………..*cause I killed myself just now*
and I hope your yard looks like this for that kind of money, sir. And I hope you use it as a sanctuary for injured and endangered birds, or else fuck you.
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darlinganddear reblogged this from xohollyhox and added:
literally laughed
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xohollyhox posted this
