It’s election time and you’re on the ticket! Let’s win this thing.
Alright, first of all, what’s the biggest you can make your face on a banner? Make it that big. Post it on all four sides of a building. What’s inside of that building? Is it even receiving any more natural light? Who cares! Check out how big your face is!
Rent open-air vehicles to drive around town while blasting your theme song. These vehicles should also be plastered with images of your very large face. Sometimes they should park on sidewalks and a dude with a megaphone should get out and start SCREAMING your name while wearing white gloves and a white sash like he’s the bride at a bachelorette party with no guests.
Find some volunteers to stand on street corners. Instruct them to yell at and bow to pedestrians as they cross the street. They should also wear white gloves and sashes so as to look reliable? trustworthy? insane? What is with these outfits?
These volunteers should never consider whether or not they are in anyone’s way while standing in the middle of a busy crosswalk. They are to yield to no man. What is important is that the public see they are wearing hats with your number on them. Yes, every candidate will be assigned a number. Ain’t nobody got time to remember your boring ass name.
Send a large group of people in to a busy public market to run in to randos and hand them pieces of paper which they will immediately drop on the ground.
Hire some ladies to post up on the back of a truck and perform a dance routine for the public while that same dude with the mega phone and sash (does this guy ever sleep?) hollers at people and motions to the women like, “Get a load of these chicks! Hot stuff, right? Brought to you by *your number here*. What better way to say ‘thanks for the babes’ than voting for *your number here* next Thursday?!” Then he’ll just repeat your number over and over until I kill myself.
Or just make some chump volunteers put on animals costumes and laugh your ass off.
Good luck *your number here*!!!